About Me

I am the guy who tells the cripple ahead of him in line to hurry up.

I am first to get to the window to see the car accident outside.

I am the one who wrote your number on the mall's bathroom wall.

I am the failing student who makes passes at his young, attractive English teacher.

I am the guy loitering on Younge St. that is always trying to sell you something.

I am the only one of your group of friends to be secure in his sexuality and say anything.

I am the best friend that tags along for your first date and cock-blocks throughout night. The decent girl you're trying to bag walks out on the date

I laugh and take you home when you're drunk, and you wake up to several hookers in your house who I called for you.

I am the friend who constantly talks about your mom's rack.

I am the only one who understands what the hell you saying.

I am Fred, Speedgoogles is Wilma. The only match for her wit is my sarcasm.

Known to be obstreperous at times